Wednesday May 14th, 2008 @ 2:43 AM

Filed under: now

I am back at class to get the necessary prerequisites for postgraduate work in neuropsychology.

So far I do not like it. But more than that I do not like being an artist and not making art and working in a shop letting my brain rot. I do absolutely love being a girl, an identity mostly realized through the latter occupation. I am mad I didn’t capitalize on the many fetishy pleasures inherent in my sex prior. I may attend a jewellery design/armour welding course in the fall if this summer session tumbles. Even writing that felt good.

I have to be up in twenty minutes to teach Bikram. Love conquers fatigue though. I’m in love because it made me the mostly bumbling sometimes grumbling transformer that I am! It has made me me. I love beautiful things. Pretty much every decision of mine is an aesthetic one. I try to not be in denial about this truth, to learn how to live this belief in more complex contexts than just looking. Literally looking, as cameras do. And being looked at, as stars do.

Hey Ashleigh,

Just wanted to say that it was nice to see you the other day. It
looks like you’re doing well. I know how weird it can be when you’ve
changed a lot to see people from your past. I just want you to know
that it’s fine with me that you change and grow. It’s also fine with
me if you don’t. I want you to be happy and inspired, whatever that
means for you.

Best,

______

I am eating a fig. Actually, several figs, cut in quarters, floating in rice milk and sprouted buckwheat.